artwork
Here you find all my drawings in chronological order.
If you are interested in a special toppic, you can choose below.
favorites
2026
inpatient
therapy
(2025/2026)
I hadn't been feeling well mentally for a long time. I was able to ignore it and push it aside for a long time.
Now the house of cards has finally collapsed.
I am now undergoing inpatient psychotherapy at a clinic. Here you find my drawings I made in the clinic.
psychosomatic symptoms
Psychological problems manifest themselves not only mentally, but also physically in my case. This often happens long before I mentally realize that I am not feeling well. A classic indicator that I have had too much is migraine. The same applies to my chronic sinusitis, which tells me when I have had “enough.”
In acute situations that are very emotionally stressful for me, my left leg often hurts. Sometimes so badly that I can hardly walk. I now know that I need to listen more closely to how I am
actually feeling.
2025
2024
destroying
cultural identity
War has become a topical issue again in Europe.
It is very difficult for me to comprehend and process how easily, deliberately, and quickly buildings and objects can be destroyed, some of which have been testimonies to their era, culture, or religion for thousands of years. And what is irretrievably lost with their destruction.
take life easy...
This is a difficult topic for me. Unfortunately, simple advice doesn't help me. I don't consciously remember my embryonic period, but I still believe that these early experiences are stored somewhere inside me.
Reprogramming this “memory” is hard work.
top surgery or not?
Once I realized that I am non-binary/genderqueer, the question of physical changes also arose. Suddenly, there were possibilities to finally recognize myself in the mirror.
I started hormone replacement therapy in 2021. But the question of whether or not I wanted top surgery preoccupied me intensely for a very long time. I started wearing a binder fairly quickly after my coming out in 2017. But top surgery? It took a very long time and a lot of mental energy to realize that my body is currently okay the way it is.
2023
power of a thought
Most of the time, it's a quiet thought that pops into your head. It comes from somewhere. You don't pay much attention to it. But it's there. It grows. And it creates new realities.
time to sort things out
Since I am a highly sensitive person, I absorb a lot of stimuli and moods.
I collect everything and regularly need time to myself to sort through and process what I have experienced and felt.
I am still learning to take these breaks regularly.
gender Identity
For a long and agonizing time, I grappled with the question of which box I belonged in. What my gender identity was.
When I realized that I was not the woman everyone had thought I was for 33 years, I initially used the labels “non-binary” and “agender.”
But that didn't feel quite right. I almost despaired in my search for my micro-label. Because I finally wanted to belong somewhere. In the end, I settled on the label “quoigender” and felt that it described me well. And I was able to put an end to the exhausting overthinking.
brains states
My brain experiences different states. Unfortunately, they do not always correlate with my needs or the expectations of others.
beliefs
Sometimes it is necessary to renovate one's own beliefs.
trauma
A traumatic experience fractures the self. You break into a thousand pieces. You learn to patch them all back together somehow. Different things help us do this. This trauma remains a part of us. It is not a flaw. It makes us who we are.
Just like in the Japanese art of Kindsugi/Kintsukuroi. Broken ceramics are repaired with gold glue. The damage makes the ceramics special and honors their history.
"we the royal"
The song "we are royal" from The Alphabet Rockers stayed with me for a long time and gave me strength and validation.
Trans people have existed since the dawn of humanity, in all cultures and societies.
Sea of
feelings.
Sea of memories.
Just as our footprints disappear into the sea on the beach, becoming part of the sea, so too do our experiences and feelings become part of our memory, part of a collective memory.
things that are good for me
These things ground me. Calm me down. Help me relax.
internalized queerphobia
Ever since I realized I was queer, it was something that couldn't be talked about. During my childhood and adolescence in the 90s, homophobia was a huge topic in the media. I didn't know any other queer people. Being gay or lesbian was still a criterion for social exclusion, even though things were already much better than in previous decades.
In my 30s, I realized that I am trans. The Self-Determination Act in Germany led to a great deal of transphobia in the media and politics. I am experiencing everything for the second time. Recognizing that this exhausts me was very important for me.
highway of life
To feel different from what society dictates is confusing. And to trust your own journey requires courage. But it is worth it.
clearing space
Every then and when I keep trying to incorporate meditation into my daily routine. Sometimes it works well, sometimes less so. But I know it's good for me and I should stick with it.
finding my way
Sometimes I'm lost in my life, in my mental health. So I have to remember my skills and coping strategies to get through a dark phase and find my way back to the light.
2022
2021
gender dysphoria
Gender dysphoria is a very strong, painful stress that I experience when I am not seen/addressed/treated according to my gender.
Being addressed with the wrong pronoun or my old name, seeing myself in the mirror and not recognizing myself, or being questioned as a person trigger deep, existential stress.
so much therapy...?!
Since I was 16, I had different therapies in clinics and with outpatient therapists. And sometimes I ask myself what for? Sometimes I don't see the progress and I am frustrated and feel lost.
